Last year, I settled on two New Year's resolutions. The first: to cancel my gym membership. The second: not to make any more resolutions.
As I've said before, wisdom is a moving target, and so my resolution to not have resolutions has un-resolved itself this year.
Here are my resolutions--or rather, call them "loose ideas," or vague intentions--for 2013. And, whatever you do, don't hold me to them. While it's great to have big dreams, it's also surprisingly fulfilling to set very low expectations that one might actually meet.
Number One: I want to be in a Flash Mob. If anyone is organizing such a delightful thing in the South Bay area, please do contact me. This one resolution trumps all the others, (except Six) below, and will count as having fulfilled the entire list (except Six), if it does, indeed happen.
Number Two: I want to take a ceramics class. There. Seems easy enough.
Number Three: I want to re-learn a few chords on my guitar. See comment above. (So far, so good!)
Number Four: I want to continue to go to yoga classes in a highly inconsistent way. (Again, done!)
Number Five: I want to start taking a Zumba class, with the frequency of my attendance being fairly intense in the new year and then petering out to nearly never after a couple or few months. If some unforseen miracle happens, I may still be doing Zumba at the close of 2013, but highly doubtful, don't you think?
Number Six: O.K. I really mean this one. I want to continue to discover who and what I truly am, and to express that (or allow That to express me) fully and freely in the new year, and in all the years that I am lucky enough to be gifted with, to come. Let no resolutions toward any other goals for the body, the identity, or in the "outer world" impede this one, this sacred one, the only one that cannot mislead.
How about you, my beautiful Friend?
Have you found the One True Prayer
the Divine Resolve
That will inevitably, mysteriously, wondrously Release
the Self
in which all resolution dissolves?
Showing posts with label wisdom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wisdom. Show all posts
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Actually, I Don't Really Know What I'm Doing
My family and I are fresh off the boat from our post-Christmas, mid-New Year's trip to Taiwan with "Babu," their Chinese grandmother (and my Mom). It's nearing noon and the children are still passed out, slung out on couches and chairs in the living room, after several failed attempts to rouse them and get them right-side up (or upside down) with the time. Looks like we'll definitely miss the first day of post-vacation school. Oh well.
A wonderful, whirlwind trip--which I'll share more of in later posts--but a recent theme of mine, "I don't really know what I'm doing" was prevalent for me at key moments on the journey. And it's quite true, friends. Actually, I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing as a wife, as a daughter, as a parent. As anything, really.
Which is not to say that I am not enjoying being a wife, mother, daughter. Not to say that it's not often terrific, lovely, completing, transcendent and fun. It's just that it's quite clear to me, at moments, that I am lost and it all feels particularly hard--if not impossible; it seems I'm making an unsolvable mess of everything, and worst of all, ruining my children somehow.
Take for example the first moments of walking into our fab suite at a terribly luxe hotel (we had saved money via staying at some grungy but quite passable one and two star spots early on) at Sun Moon Lake, somewhat akin to our Lake Tahoe here in California. My eldest daughter immediately became terribly excited, overwrought almost, and immediately began to claim territory, including the only private room in the suite (with a door that closed) and a private bathroom just for her and her sister.
Well, this would not work. We had my mother and husband to think about. So Ali and her little sis were relegated to the master suite (open to the central living area) with a king bed and glass sliding doors to a massive bath, views of the lake, a central, stand alone tub encased in granite, and a double concrete sink. But this was not enough. No suitcases, she declared, would go in her room and no one was to come in, nor use the gorgeous bath, which was, by all rights, hers and her sisters alone. We grownups had the other bathroom; so that should be fair.
I was having a hard time with all of this, as you might imagine. In her words and actions, I suddenly saw Ali as a tyrannical Diva in her mid-twenties, entitled, spoiled, alienating all her friends as she claimed all the choicest options in life for herself. She would end up alone! All alone! And finally, selfishly, honestly, I really wanted to take a bath in that wild tub. My husband, on the other hand, had his head on straight.
"She's just excited," he said. "Let her calm down and we'll work this all out."
Well that went in like a the faintest glance of dew on a Gortex jacket. I should have just plopped my bags on the highly polished wood floor and laid down for a few brief moments, or rather many, many more moments to enjoy the view and let Ali get used to these new digs and the reality of our situation. But in my worry and agitation, I wound up on Alia's bed trying to talk some sense into her, when she told me that no one was allowed in her room, including me.
"Alright then, I'm leaving," I fumed. And I abruptly stood up and retreated to my lesser room. I said this in a tone (hurt, vengeful) that should be reserved just for adults--who can usually handle such tones. Ali came tearfully, apologetic, after me (what child can bear to feel they've lost their mother's love, even if only for a second?) and I proceeded to explain to her that this hotel was quite expensive, that we can't always have everything we want, that there are others to consider, etc. etc. But listening, hearing, understanding were not in place for either of us in the moment, and my darling, beloved, over-excited little girl wound up sitting by herself on the exquisitely tiled shower stall floor with the frosted glass door shut, crying.
It was one of those overly psychological moments that you never imagine having with your seven-year-old.
It's even painful to recount this story, this embarrassing episode of poor motherhood. And worst of all is that after her father turned the television on for the two girls to watch in their bed, I caught Ali sucking her thumb, something she has not done since the age of three.
Devastating.
So, to summarize, Ali continued to be somewhat obnoxious and wary the next day and I ... the best I could do was to fling my mental, emotional and spiritual hands up in the air.
"My God," I wailed silently to the lake, the distant mountains--all as if out of a painting in a fantastical Asian story book--"I don't know what I'm doing!"
The best I could do for the next couple days was to try to enjoy this fancy resort (which I did!), to stay somewhat quiet and to try to remember what was pure and good about my child. It was a struggle. Sometimes, I have to pretend, as a mom. I remember a good friend of mine once saying to me, in an embarrassed, ashamed voice,
"Sometimes I just don't like my child."
I loved that he said it. So I said it too.
"I think sometimes we all don't like our children," I replied. And yet, we do love them, somehow. How freeing to admit this--the hopelessness, the helplessness--of parenthood, sometimes.
I spent a lot of time in the very impressive Lalu library and read books with Ali when she crawled in next to me on the divan, seeking acceptance and attention. I did not really want to. I was annoyed, frightened, feeling awkward as a mom, wanting to somehow escape the role entirely. But I did read with her. We went biking. That was fun. I hugged and kissed her, hoping not too much, actually.
Intention, prayer, giving up all ideas that one knows anything at all about how to love this child, how to raise this child, taking my focus off the problem, actually--this is all that has ever worked for me. Trusting, as I wrote in the dedication to The Spark Inside, that wisdom always finds a way.
On the last night of our trip, we traveled by cab to Longshan temple in bustling Taipai. The exterior waterfall was lovely and inside, hundreds of entities stood in somewhat dusty, encased silence to be worshipped and prayed to. Incense smoke threatened to choke us all, and platters of food and fruits weighed down offering tables. Central to all was the golden statue of Quan Yin, female incarnation of the Buddha for some, goddess of mercy and compassion. I am not one for idols, and many of the prayers and activities here are of a superstitious nature--throwing smooth wooden, banana-shaped sticks for decision making purposes, asking for "things" and circumstances people think they want, or need.
Ali said an interesting thing, after she asked what everyone there was doing.
"They are praying to these different Gods," I said.
"Well that's weird, because we all are God!" she replied.
"Yes," I said laughing. But I had fallen into another mood--impatient, feeling the need for space, distance, alone-ness. I needed someone else to step in and be the parent, the constant giver, for a moment, for a day ... or more!
I told my husband, "I'm going off by myself for a minute," and I did. I went to the statue of Quan Yin. And although I did not prostrate myself, I set my palms together in prayer position, closed my eyes, and I prayed.
"I don't know what I'm doing," I said again. "Please help."
Later, Ali asked me what I had done.
"I was praying," I said.
"You were?"
"Yes," I said. "Since God is everywhere, is everything, sometimes it's nice to have a little focus, something to pray to, knowing actually you are praying to God, God inside you and God everywhere."
"What did you pray for?"
"I prayed for wisdom, a clear mind, a better way of seeing things," I said.
"Did God answer you?" she asked.
"No. God did not answer me right away. But I do always get an answer, sometimes later. I get an answer when my mind is quiet. Do you know what I mean?"
She did not answer, but I could tell she was contemplating it all.
By the next day, something had shifted. Nothing dramatic. More like the feeling of having a toasty quilt pulled over you when you don't realize just how cold you have become. My husband woke up with a terrible muscle spasm in his neck, and was in no shape for parenting or anything, really. It was almost too much for him to have to carry luggage.
In a space of renewed quietude, love for my children came flowing out of me like the natural Formosa warm springs we had been soaking in; and I was able to mother, nurture, and keep my daughters fed and entertained through a three-hour flight into Tokyo, and a four-hour layover that was painfully extended by a two-hour delay at the Narita airport. Somehow, we enjoyed the whole thing. Alia had completely stopped sucking on the sleeves of her jacket and strands of her hair (which is normal for her when she is anxious or bored). She played with her sister quietly, imaginatively, for hours.
She's a loving girl, a sensitive and highly emotional girl. She cares deeply about her family and is extremely loyal to all of us. She has loads of energy and excitement and terribly grand ideas. She is seven, after all.
Later on, I don't remember when, nor whether on this side or the other side of the Pacific, of today or yesterday, she said to me:
"You're the best Mom ever!"
(Okay?)
And I replied:
"You know, I think that I am sometimes good, and sometimes not so good, but the important thing is that I love you very, very much."
###
This blog is for all you very real parents and caregivers out there. Human beings just like me.
With Love from your
Mystical (and human!) Mama
A wonderful, whirlwind trip--which I'll share more of in later posts--but a recent theme of mine, "I don't really know what I'm doing" was prevalent for me at key moments on the journey. And it's quite true, friends. Actually, I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing as a wife, as a daughter, as a parent. As anything, really.
Which is not to say that I am not enjoying being a wife, mother, daughter. Not to say that it's not often terrific, lovely, completing, transcendent and fun. It's just that it's quite clear to me, at moments, that I am lost and it all feels particularly hard--if not impossible; it seems I'm making an unsolvable mess of everything, and worst of all, ruining my children somehow.
Take for example the first moments of walking into our fab suite at a terribly luxe hotel (we had saved money via staying at some grungy but quite passable one and two star spots early on) at Sun Moon Lake, somewhat akin to our Lake Tahoe here in California. My eldest daughter immediately became terribly excited, overwrought almost, and immediately began to claim territory, including the only private room in the suite (with a door that closed) and a private bathroom just for her and her sister.
Well, this would not work. We had my mother and husband to think about. So Ali and her little sis were relegated to the master suite (open to the central living area) with a king bed and glass sliding doors to a massive bath, views of the lake, a central, stand alone tub encased in granite, and a double concrete sink. But this was not enough. No suitcases, she declared, would go in her room and no one was to come in, nor use the gorgeous bath, which was, by all rights, hers and her sisters alone. We grownups had the other bathroom; so that should be fair.
"And finally, selfishly, honestly, I really wanted to take a bath in that wild tub."
I was having a hard time with all of this, as you might imagine. In her words and actions, I suddenly saw Ali as a tyrannical Diva in her mid-twenties, entitled, spoiled, alienating all her friends as she claimed all the choicest options in life for herself. She would end up alone! All alone! And finally, selfishly, honestly, I really wanted to take a bath in that wild tub. My husband, on the other hand, had his head on straight.
"She's just excited," he said. "Let her calm down and we'll work this all out."
Well that went in like a the faintest glance of dew on a Gortex jacket. I should have just plopped my bags on the highly polished wood floor and laid down for a few brief moments, or rather many, many more moments to enjoy the view and let Ali get used to these new digs and the reality of our situation. But in my worry and agitation, I wound up on Alia's bed trying to talk some sense into her, when she told me that no one was allowed in her room, including me.
"Listening, hearing, understanding were not in place for either of us at that moment."
"Alright then, I'm leaving," I fumed. And I abruptly stood up and retreated to my lesser room. I said this in a tone (hurt, vengeful) that should be reserved just for adults--who can usually handle such tones. Ali came tearfully, apologetic, after me (what child can bear to feel they've lost their mother's love, even if only for a second?) and I proceeded to explain to her that this hotel was quite expensive, that we can't always have everything we want, that there are others to consider, etc. etc. But listening, hearing, understanding were not in place for either of us in the moment, and my darling, beloved, over-excited little girl wound up sitting by herself on the exquisitely tiled shower stall floor with the frosted glass door shut, crying.
It was one of those overly psychological moments that you never imagine having with your seven-year-old.
It's even painful to recount this story, this embarrassing episode of poor motherhood. And worst of all is that after her father turned the television on for the two girls to watch in their bed, I caught Ali sucking her thumb, something she has not done since the age of three.
Devastating.
So, to summarize, Ali continued to be somewhat obnoxious and wary the next day and I ... the best I could do was to fling my mental, emotional and spiritual hands up in the air.
"My God," I wailed silently to the lake, the distant mountains--all as if out of a painting in a fantastical Asian story book--"I don't know what I'm doing!"
The best I could do for the next couple days was to try to enjoy this fancy resort (which I did!), to stay somewhat quiet and to try to remember what was pure and good about my child. It was a struggle. Sometimes, I have to pretend, as a mom. I remember a good friend of mine once saying to me, in an embarrassed, ashamed voice,
"Sometimes I just don't like my child."
I loved that he said it. So I said it too.
"I think sometimes we all don't like our children," I replied. And yet, we do love them, somehow. How freeing to admit this--the hopelessness, the helplessness--of parenthood, sometimes.
I spent a lot of time in the very impressive Lalu library and read books with Ali when she crawled in next to me on the divan, seeking acceptance and attention. I did not really want to. I was annoyed, frightened, feeling awkward as a mom, wanting to somehow escape the role entirely. But I did read with her. We went biking. That was fun. I hugged and kissed her, hoping not too much, actually.
Intention, prayer, giving up all ideas that one knows anything at all about how to love this child, how to raise this child, taking my focus off the problem, actually--this is all that has ever worked for me. Trusting, as I wrote in the dedication to The Spark Inside, that wisdom always finds a way.
On the last night of our trip, we traveled by cab to Longshan temple in bustling Taipai. The exterior waterfall was lovely and inside, hundreds of entities stood in somewhat dusty, encased silence to be worshipped and prayed to. Incense smoke threatened to choke us all, and platters of food and fruits weighed down offering tables. Central to all was the golden statue of Quan Yin, female incarnation of the Buddha for some, goddess of mercy and compassion. I am not one for idols, and many of the prayers and activities here are of a superstitious nature--throwing smooth wooden, banana-shaped sticks for decision making purposes, asking for "things" and circumstances people think they want, or need.
"I needed someone else to step in and be the parent, the constant giver, for a moment, for a day, or more."
Ali said an interesting thing, after she asked what everyone there was doing.
"They are praying to these different Gods," I said.
"Well that's weird, because we all are God!" she replied.
"Yes," I said laughing. But I had fallen into another mood--impatient, feeling the need for space, distance, alone-ness. I needed someone else to step in and be the parent, the constant giver, for a moment, for a day ... or more!
I told my husband, "I'm going off by myself for a minute," and I did. I went to the statue of Quan Yin. And although I did not prostrate myself, I set my palms together in prayer position, closed my eyes, and I prayed.
"I don't know what I'm doing," I said again. "Please help."
Later, Ali asked me what I had done.
"I was praying," I said.
"You were?"
"Yes," I said. "Since God is everywhere, is everything, sometimes it's nice to have a little focus, something to pray to, knowing actually you are praying to God, God inside you and God everywhere."
"What did you pray for?"
"I prayed for wisdom, a clear mind, a better way of seeing things," I said.
"Did God answer you?" she asked.
"No. God did not answer me right away. But I do always get an answer, sometimes later. I get an answer when my mind is quiet. Do you know what I mean?"
She did not answer, but I could tell she was contemplating it all.
By the next day, something had shifted. Nothing dramatic. More like the feeling of having a toasty quilt pulled over you when you don't realize just how cold you have become. My husband woke up with a terrible muscle spasm in his neck, and was in no shape for parenting or anything, really. It was almost too much for him to have to carry luggage.
In a space of renewed quietude, love for my children came flowing out of me like the natural Formosa warm springs we had been soaking in; and I was able to mother, nurture, and keep my daughters fed and entertained through a three-hour flight into Tokyo, and a four-hour layover that was painfully extended by a two-hour delay at the Narita airport. Somehow, we enjoyed the whole thing. Alia had completely stopped sucking on the sleeves of her jacket and strands of her hair (which is normal for her when she is anxious or bored). She played with her sister quietly, imaginatively, for hours.
She's a loving girl, a sensitive and highly emotional girl. She cares deeply about her family and is extremely loyal to all of us. She has loads of energy and excitement and terribly grand ideas. She is seven, after all.
Later on, I don't remember when, nor whether on this side or the other side of the Pacific, of today or yesterday, she said to me:
"You're the best Mom ever!"
(Okay?)
And I replied:
"You know, I think that I am sometimes good, and sometimes not so good, but the important thing is that I love you very, very much."
###
This blog is for all you very real parents and caregivers out there. Human beings just like me.
With Love from your
Mystical (and human!) Mama
Saturday, December 11, 2010
No Curriculum for Truth
Thank you for your posting on your blog. Now [because you did not seem to really answer my question] in your words, if I were a 5-year-old, how would you describe "specifically" the 3 p's to me? Example: "Well lil'guy first of all ... etc etc." and then ...
--Robert Walking Rabbit
[M.M. note: the "3 p's" refer to philosopher Mr. Sydney Banks' Three Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought. Please refer to Mr. Banks materials--books, audio files, videos--for more on these.]
Dear Robert,
I had a feeling you would ask this again! I did manage to skirt the issue, did I not?
Mr. Banks used to say, "There is no curriculum" for the 3 Principles--in schools, in communities, or elsewhere.
What this means is that there is no curriculum for Love. I recently posted the following quote on Facebook:
"You have identified yourself with secondhand information. Don't live with secondhand information. Don't live with beliefs. You have the capacity to explore and really find out what actually IS." (--from Jean Klein's dialogues in "Transmission of the Flame")
What Mr. Banks (and Mr. Klein) were trying to say is that if I use a curriculum of "how to teach or share" principles of Truth with a child, or anyone else, then when I am in the moment of sharing--rather than coming from my heart and my own understanding, I am coming from memory, from "secondhand information."
And rather than look deeply into my own heart, which might mean taking a pause, taking a moment out of "doing" and going into reflection ... into inquiry for myself (into the unknown), I, rather, come up with something someone else wrote in a book, or outlined for me to say.
That is not a terrible sin, and there is nothing wrong with sharing information from books, I am just pointing to the fact that we then bypass our own capacity for understanding in favor of someone else's capacity for understanding.
Do you understand?
You wrote to me via e-mail that "I do not know," "I leave that to the professionals." But, why is that, Rob? ... I know that you are speaking to a Kindergarten teacher about all of this, but might not this be a question you could explore together, from a feeling of curiosity and respect?
Or, if you do not feel "ready" to talk with her about such things, again, an invitation to sit with oneself, to gently ask: Why not?
I know you know that each one of us "practitioners" started once where you are. And over time, we began to deeply trust ourselves, our own connection to wisdom.
The truth is that the Principles are alive in every children's story, in everything that happens in every single day (there is thought, there is action based on thought and there is the love, wisdom and compassion that bubbles up in each of us--and in so many stories.) There are as many ways to explain the Principles are there are human beings on the planet--and so much the better if each one of us expresses uniquely.
I know you were thinking you would not get an answer out of me, (and still you have not, eh?) but I encourage you to not leave it at that, not drop the question for yourself, Rob. Perhaps wisdom guides you not to work with this teacher directly yet, but that is not the end of the story.
That is actually the beginning.
With Love,
Your Mystical Mama
--Robert Walking Rabbit
[M.M. note: the "3 p's" refer to philosopher Mr. Sydney Banks' Three Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought. Please refer to Mr. Banks materials--books, audio files, videos--for more on these.]
Dear Robert,
I had a feeling you would ask this again! I did manage to skirt the issue, did I not?
Mr. Banks used to say, "There is no curriculum" for the 3 Principles--in schools, in communities, or elsewhere.
What this means is that there is no curriculum for Love. I recently posted the following quote on Facebook:
"You have identified yourself with secondhand information. Don't live with secondhand information. Don't live with beliefs. You have the capacity to explore and really find out what actually IS." (--from Jean Klein's dialogues in "Transmission of the Flame")
What Mr. Banks (and Mr. Klein) were trying to say is that if I use a curriculum of "how to teach or share" principles of Truth with a child, or anyone else, then when I am in the moment of sharing--rather than coming from my heart and my own understanding, I am coming from memory, from "secondhand information."
And rather than look deeply into my own heart, which might mean taking a pause, taking a moment out of "doing" and going into reflection ... into inquiry for myself (into the unknown), I, rather, come up with something someone else wrote in a book, or outlined for me to say.
That is not a terrible sin, and there is nothing wrong with sharing information from books, I am just pointing to the fact that we then bypass our own capacity for understanding in favor of someone else's capacity for understanding.
Do you understand?
You wrote to me via e-mail that "I do not know," "I leave that to the professionals." But, why is that, Rob? ... I know that you are speaking to a Kindergarten teacher about all of this, but might not this be a question you could explore together, from a feeling of curiosity and respect?
Or, if you do not feel "ready" to talk with her about such things, again, an invitation to sit with oneself, to gently ask: Why not?
I know you know that each one of us "practitioners" started once where you are. And over time, we began to deeply trust ourselves, our own connection to wisdom.
The truth is that the Principles are alive in every children's story, in everything that happens in every single day (there is thought, there is action based on thought and there is the love, wisdom and compassion that bubbles up in each of us--and in so many stories.) There are as many ways to explain the Principles are there are human beings on the planet--and so much the better if each one of us expresses uniquely.
I know you were thinking you would not get an answer out of me, (and still you have not, eh?) but I encourage you to not leave it at that, not drop the question for yourself, Rob. Perhaps wisdom guides you not to work with this teacher directly yet, but that is not the end of the story.
That is actually the beginning.
With Love,
Your Mystical Mama
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Teaching a Child with ADD/ADHD about the Mind
Dear Mystical Mama,
I know you suggest that to live in your health, as a parent, is the best course.
[Note: in 3 Principles psychology, this means "mental health," as in: a quiet mind, receptivity to insight, grounded feeling states (when possible!), & love. --M.M.]
But, besides this, do you know of how to best describe the principles, say, to a 5-year-old? Or what to suggest to parents on how to explain the principles to a five-year-old diagnosed with ADD or ADHD? Can a five-year-old with extreme hyperactivity, impulsiveness, short attention span, etc. grasp or understand how their own mind works?
If so, how would one explain it to the child themselves? Do you explain in story form, parables to them ...or is it fine to just live in it yourself? How do you explain the principles to your own children? Just curious here.
--Robert "Walking Rabbit"
Dear Robert "Walking Rabbit"
and Dear Parents, everywhere! We cannot underestimate the importance of "putting our own oxygen masks on first." (See the two posts below.) Indeed, how will we teach our children about their minds, when we do not even know how to handle, or understand our own?
Are we not all a little ADD/ADHD from time to time? Can we investigate within ourselves, becoming gently curious, as to why? What occurs in Thought to create a sort of "running mind?" How is it that we can run to the store and spend all kinds of money on unnecessary items in a sort of frantic frenzy--what is that state of mind? Or, what creates the need to always be stimulated by some form of entertainment, be that people, TV, books, radio, Internet, and now, gotta-love-it Facebook?
And what happens when, rather than respond and react to this sort of running thinking, we simply allow this mental frenzy to be, understanding that our Health lies beneath this, our Health is the container for this ... ?
Children, it's been said many times, also respond mostly to how we are, much more so than to what we say. This is actually true for adults, too, is it not? We respond to each other's energy. Thus, our own calm-mindedness, our own grounding, guides us around our children, and helps them to calm down, too.
My dear friend and 3 Principles colleague, Gabriela, used to work closely with autistic children. She noticed that the children "behaved better" around those adults whose energy was present with them, who were Mind-full with them (and here I mean the "big Mind" as Mr. Banks defines it.) Finally, our own grounding and understanding speaks to our effectiveness with children if we do decide to share: How attached are we to their "changing" and "getting" what we are saying? How urgent do we become in trying to share our message? Is our trying to teach them really our way of trying to save or protect ourselves somehow? Are we overly invested in the whole thing?
Therefore, do put your own oxygen mask on first! As another wise colleague, Elsie Spittle, has written: "When we change the way we see things, the things we see seem to change." And the "problems" we see in our children look far less insurmountable. In my own case, with my own children (4 and 6), many problems have simply disappeared with the withdrawel of my worry and attention. I "kid" you not!
Finally, please note that I am not advocating walking around in a false kind of "calm," in which you are stirring and unhappy underneath, but showing a placid face. We are going for total self-honesty here. This must be first, above all: self-honesty, ruthless self-honesty. And being truly calm-minded does not mean that one's physical actions are slow and evenly paced, somehow. It simply means that all action comes from the place of wisdom, within.
OK, now, I will actually answer your question Robert. (Geez! I know!) ... What are these many diagnoses for our children--and ourselves--that we face today? I am by no means the expert, but are they not all made up names to describe some condition we believe is somehow the same across individuals? As we have created the words "tree," "faucet," "lawnmower," so have we created "ADD," "manic-depressive," "bi-polar," "anxiety disorder." It is also true that when we rely on the word to convey meaning, we lose touch with the reality of our own, or our child's situation now. We stop exploring for ourselves, we stop observing. Let the experts handle that, we say. What do I know?
Do I believe that children and people with ADD can learn about their own minds? Yes. Do I believe they have mental health and wisdom? Yes. We have a 14-year-old with an ADHD diagnoses in a school with us now who can sit for 45 minutes as we talk about the 3 Principles in his classroom. His teacher says this is phenomenal. How is it so? Because we don't care if he does or not, actually. Because we love him anyway.
Now, I am not arguing for or against medication. I have seen Wisdom point in both directions on this one. But I am suggesting that a "diagnosis" is merely the current and latest thinking of a society that, generally speaking, does not really understand itself at all.
Can a five-year-old learn how their own mind works? Yes. Can we teach them directly? Yes. Can we use a parable? Yes. Is it enough to just live the Truth ourselves? Yes.
I have done all of the above with my own older daughter, and I notice that if I am invested in her learning, or anxious about her learning, she tends to tune out. When our dialogue takes place within a context of love and real curiosity, she gets a lot of it, as do I. But truly, what has been most effective for me is moving into the space and spirit of Love, for myself, within myself. Love for Life, Love for myself, Love for her. So healing. Love is Mental Health.
One final story: I worked with a mother of three rambunctious and "diagnosed" young boys (two of them were.) She wound up with some of the Sydney Banks DVD's and played them on her television one day--just for herself really. She told me that as Syd talked, the boys started to slowly stop what they were doing and come around the television to listen.
And so it seems that the truth is the truth is the truth--for us all. And it can emerge in our families in many forms, "principles" or not. Going back to check our own feeling state, (do we move from Love or anxiety?) is the key. If we are not getting oxygen, we have no oxygen, really, to give to our children, or anyone else, no matter what words we use.
I appreciate and invite your further comments or questions.
With Love,
Your Mystical Mama
I know you suggest that to live in your health, as a parent, is the best course.
[Note: in 3 Principles psychology, this means "mental health," as in: a quiet mind, receptivity to insight, grounded feeling states (when possible!), & love. --M.M.]
But, besides this, do you know of how to best describe the principles, say, to a 5-year-old? Or what to suggest to parents on how to explain the principles to a five-year-old diagnosed with ADD or ADHD? Can a five-year-old with extreme hyperactivity, impulsiveness, short attention span, etc. grasp or understand how their own mind works?
If so, how would one explain it to the child themselves? Do you explain in story form, parables to them ...or is it fine to just live in it yourself? How do you explain the principles to your own children? Just curious here.
--Robert "Walking Rabbit"
Dear Robert "Walking Rabbit"
and Dear Parents, everywhere! We cannot underestimate the importance of "putting our own oxygen masks on first." (See the two posts below.) Indeed, how will we teach our children about their minds, when we do not even know how to handle, or understand our own?
Are we not all a little ADD/ADHD from time to time? Can we investigate within ourselves, becoming gently curious, as to why? What occurs in Thought to create a sort of "running mind?" How is it that we can run to the store and spend all kinds of money on unnecessary items in a sort of frantic frenzy--what is that state of mind? Or, what creates the need to always be stimulated by some form of entertainment, be that people, TV, books, radio, Internet, and now, gotta-love-it Facebook?
And what happens when, rather than respond and react to this sort of running thinking, we simply allow this mental frenzy to be, understanding that our Health lies beneath this, our Health is the container for this ... ?
Children, it's been said many times, also respond mostly to how we are, much more so than to what we say. This is actually true for adults, too, is it not? We respond to each other's energy. Thus, our own calm-mindedness, our own grounding, guides us around our children, and helps them to calm down, too.
My dear friend and 3 Principles colleague, Gabriela, used to work closely with autistic children. She noticed that the children "behaved better" around those adults whose energy was present with them, who were Mind-full with them (and here I mean the "big Mind" as Mr. Banks defines it.) Finally, our own grounding and understanding speaks to our effectiveness with children if we do decide to share: How attached are we to their "changing" and "getting" what we are saying? How urgent do we become in trying to share our message? Is our trying to teach them really our way of trying to save or protect ourselves somehow? Are we overly invested in the whole thing?
Therefore, do put your own oxygen mask on first! As another wise colleague, Elsie Spittle, has written: "When we change the way we see things, the things we see seem to change." And the "problems" we see in our children look far less insurmountable. In my own case, with my own children (4 and 6), many problems have simply disappeared with the withdrawel of my worry and attention. I "kid" you not!
Finally, please note that I am not advocating walking around in a false kind of "calm," in which you are stirring and unhappy underneath, but showing a placid face. We are going for total self-honesty here. This must be first, above all: self-honesty, ruthless self-honesty. And being truly calm-minded does not mean that one's physical actions are slow and evenly paced, somehow. It simply means that all action comes from the place of wisdom, within.
OK, now, I will actually answer your question Robert. (Geez! I know!) ... What are these many diagnoses for our children--and ourselves--that we face today? I am by no means the expert, but are they not all made up names to describe some condition we believe is somehow the same across individuals? As we have created the words "tree," "faucet," "lawnmower," so have we created "ADD," "manic-depressive," "bi-polar," "anxiety disorder." It is also true that when we rely on the word to convey meaning, we lose touch with the reality of our own, or our child's situation now. We stop exploring for ourselves, we stop observing. Let the experts handle that, we say. What do I know?
Do I believe that children and people with ADD can learn about their own minds? Yes. Do I believe they have mental health and wisdom? Yes. We have a 14-year-old with an ADHD diagnoses in a school with us now who can sit for 45 minutes as we talk about the 3 Principles in his classroom. His teacher says this is phenomenal. How is it so? Because we don't care if he does or not, actually. Because we love him anyway.
Now, I am not arguing for or against medication. I have seen Wisdom point in both directions on this one. But I am suggesting that a "diagnosis" is merely the current and latest thinking of a society that, generally speaking, does not really understand itself at all.
Can a five-year-old learn how their own mind works? Yes. Can we teach them directly? Yes. Can we use a parable? Yes. Is it enough to just live the Truth ourselves? Yes.
I have done all of the above with my own older daughter, and I notice that if I am invested in her learning, or anxious about her learning, she tends to tune out. When our dialogue takes place within a context of love and real curiosity, she gets a lot of it, as do I. But truly, what has been most effective for me is moving into the space and spirit of Love, for myself, within myself. Love for Life, Love for myself, Love for her. So healing. Love is Mental Health.
One final story: I worked with a mother of three rambunctious and "diagnosed" young boys (two of them were.) She wound up with some of the Sydney Banks DVD's and played them on her television one day--just for herself really. She told me that as Syd talked, the boys started to slowly stop what they were doing and come around the television to listen.
And so it seems that the truth is the truth is the truth--for us all. And it can emerge in our families in many forms, "principles" or not. Going back to check our own feeling state, (do we move from Love or anxiety?) is the key. If we are not getting oxygen, we have no oxygen, really, to give to our children, or anyone else, no matter what words we use.
I appreciate and invite your further comments or questions.
With Love,
Your Mystical Mama
"Putting On My Own Oxygen Mask First"
Dear Friends,
Here is the response from our worried Mother, "Helen." I feel her wisdom here can be helpful to us all ...
Dear Ami,
Thank you for "replacing my fog with sunshine." I am so grateful to be made aware that I am still learning something I thought I already knew. I know this is the truth. Common sense has returned ... I went back to the basics: quiet, still and present (took your advice that "if it feels urgent, it isn't"). It was a lesson to myself again to realize just how much one needs to slow down, to be able to be still, to have no attachment to the outcome (emphasis added), in order for one's common sense to flow up.
I do feel a sense of calm again. It is only in finding the calm now, that I realize how crowded my thoughts were. How quickly and easily we choose to "love fear" and "fear love" of oneself and others! This was one of the insights that came to me. Taking the time and space I needed for myself afforded me a way of finding my way back to my common sense: not taking things personally, and seeing that "it is what it is ... " Giving myself some distance from the situation gave me that Self-grounded feeling ... and that "knowing feeling" again. As a mother, sometimes I do "forget to put the oxygen mask on myself first, before I can help someone else!"
May peace be with you,
Helen
Here is the response from our worried Mother, "Helen." I feel her wisdom here can be helpful to us all ...
Dear Ami,
Thank you for "replacing my fog with sunshine." I am so grateful to be made aware that I am still learning something I thought I already knew. I know this is the truth. Common sense has returned ... I went back to the basics: quiet, still and present (took your advice that "if it feels urgent, it isn't"). It was a lesson to myself again to realize just how much one needs to slow down, to be able to be still, to have no attachment to the outcome (emphasis added), in order for one's common sense to flow up.
I do feel a sense of calm again. It is only in finding the calm now, that I realize how crowded my thoughts were. How quickly and easily we choose to "love fear" and "fear love" of oneself and others! This was one of the insights that came to me. Taking the time and space I needed for myself afforded me a way of finding my way back to my common sense: not taking things personally, and seeing that "it is what it is ... " Giving myself some distance from the situation gave me that Self-grounded feeling ... and that "knowing feeling" again. As a mother, sometimes I do "forget to put the oxygen mask on myself first, before I can help someone else!"
May peace be with you,
Helen
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Question: What the &*%$! should I do?
Dear Mystical Mama,
(Note: Identifying facts have been changed for this Mother. Letter edited slightly for clarity.)
I am 50 yrs. old, divorced, and I've lived in Texas for many years with my two children. My daughter is a senior in high school. Since starting Greg's course (Gregory Drambour of Sedona Sacred Journeys), I have read all Syd Banks books, and the three principles approach absolutely does resonate with me.
I am very aware now that neither my ex-husband nor myself have applied anywhere near the three principles approach whilst bringing up our children. My Daughter was diagnosed one year ago with ADD and secondary Anxiety/Depression, which I'm sure is due to the misdiagnosis and frustration she has endured for the last couple of years. She has a very high IQ, and is creative and musically talented, but has been quite misunderstood for about two years at school, by friends and family, causing disagreement, conflict and gross misunderstanding between my ex-husband and myself, which, ultimately has had negative effects on my daughter. This has been a very difficult time for all of us in trying to find common agreement without judgment toward any other person, or projecting our own experience and programming whilst doing the best we can in coping with a mentally ill, sick child.
We have reached an agreement on some of the treatment, and "Eleanor" is continuing to improve and cope. This has been a very exacerbated time of heightened and prolonged realizations of absolute separate realities.
My Question is: Could you suggest a specific approach using the three principles in helping the family unit as a whole deal with a diagnosis of ADD or other mental illness's with children/teenagers?
Dear "Helen,"
Thank you so much for your letter. There is actually no such thing as a “specific approach” from a 3 Principles understanding to the issues you bring up here. It seems there is a great deal of conflict and confusion about what to do with your daughter, and even about the “separate realities” you have noticed, and that you say have led to “prolonged realizations.” I am assuming a “prolonged realization” here is not a breakthrough (bringing relief and understanding), but rather just seeing that everyone is in a separate reality, with no movement forward, or toward peace of mind. Is this correct? On the other hand, there is improvement and coping on the part of your daughter.
If this is all correct, then what seems to be very clear is that there is still a lack of clarity. Regardless of the situation, it is insightful simply to notice the lack of clarity. When there is lack of clarity, often there is urgency, and as I said on the Teleconference call with Greg, “If it feels urgent, it isn’t.” (Please note: this is barring actual physical emergencies!)
The reason I cannot recommend a specific course of action is because only your own Wisdom can do that. And right now, without clarity, Wisdom is not speaking loudly enough for anyone to hear. Actually, Wisdom is speaking, but the more fearful, ego-based and urgent thoughts are just “noisier” right now.
If one can start to become more present—not projecting into the future, not regretting, perhaps, parenting or relationship “mistakes” in the past—Thought starts to slow down, to quiet down. When the mind becomes quiet, insights emerge. The feeling of an insight (as opposed to worry, anxiety, projection, judgment) is quite distinctive—there is a calm and peace that accompanies an insight. No one is held “to blame,” not even oneself!
It seems to me that since you are the one who is inquiring (and are therefore receptive), becoming quiet, being patient, trusting your inner Wisdom to emerge at the right time is the best “three principles approach” I can recommend. Do you see how I would recommend this to anyone, in any situation?
When thoughts arise (and it seems that there are thoughts of regret about the past for you), can you see them as just thoughts—notice how they are not helpful in this moment, notice how we all punish ourselves through self-blame, although we are all quite human and subject to many flaws? Forgiveness for oneself can ignite forgiveness for others, including (believe it or not) ex-spouses! We have all done the best we can with the thinking we had at our disposal at any given time. We are all just trying to make it through life.
As parents, we are likely to engage in a great deal of worry and anxiety about our children, especially if they have a frightening "diagnoses." Can we see that this worry and anxiety is helping neither them nor ourselves? Can we allow ourselves the space and time—even while our loved one seems to be “suffering”—to calm down and experience our own mental health and peace of mind?
Truly, a parent’s ability to find their own peace of mind is the absolute best parenting “technique” on the planet. If you can discover your own peace of mind, Helen, this peace will spread with ripples throughout the family and this situation. Peace for you brings peace between you and your former husband, brings peace to your daughter. Answers spring from peace, and just as often, "problems" simply dissolve.
So, the answer, as always, lies inside of you.
Can you let go, and trust yourself fully?
Yours Truly,
Ami
(Note: Identifying facts have been changed for this Mother. Letter edited slightly for clarity.)
I am 50 yrs. old, divorced, and I've lived in Texas for many years with my two children. My daughter is a senior in high school. Since starting Greg's course (Gregory Drambour of Sedona Sacred Journeys), I have read all Syd Banks books, and the three principles approach absolutely does resonate with me.
I am very aware now that neither my ex-husband nor myself have applied anywhere near the three principles approach whilst bringing up our children. My Daughter was diagnosed one year ago with ADD and secondary Anxiety/Depression, which I'm sure is due to the misdiagnosis and frustration she has endured for the last couple of years. She has a very high IQ, and is creative and musically talented, but has been quite misunderstood for about two years at school, by friends and family, causing disagreement, conflict and gross misunderstanding between my ex-husband and myself, which, ultimately has had negative effects on my daughter. This has been a very difficult time for all of us in trying to find common agreement without judgment toward any other person, or projecting our own experience and programming whilst doing the best we can in coping with a mentally ill, sick child.
We have reached an agreement on some of the treatment, and "Eleanor" is continuing to improve and cope. This has been a very exacerbated time of heightened and prolonged realizations of absolute separate realities.
My Question is: Could you suggest a specific approach using the three principles in helping the family unit as a whole deal with a diagnosis of ADD or other mental illness's with children/teenagers?
Dear "Helen,"
Thank you so much for your letter. There is actually no such thing as a “specific approach” from a 3 Principles understanding to the issues you bring up here. It seems there is a great deal of conflict and confusion about what to do with your daughter, and even about the “separate realities” you have noticed, and that you say have led to “prolonged realizations.” I am assuming a “prolonged realization” here is not a breakthrough (bringing relief and understanding), but rather just seeing that everyone is in a separate reality, with no movement forward, or toward peace of mind. Is this correct? On the other hand, there is improvement and coping on the part of your daughter.
If this is all correct, then what seems to be very clear is that there is still a lack of clarity. Regardless of the situation, it is insightful simply to notice the lack of clarity. When there is lack of clarity, often there is urgency, and as I said on the Teleconference call with Greg, “If it feels urgent, it isn’t.” (Please note: this is barring actual physical emergencies!)
The reason I cannot recommend a specific course of action is because only your own Wisdom can do that. And right now, without clarity, Wisdom is not speaking loudly enough for anyone to hear. Actually, Wisdom is speaking, but the more fearful, ego-based and urgent thoughts are just “noisier” right now.
If one can start to become more present—not projecting into the future, not regretting, perhaps, parenting or relationship “mistakes” in the past—Thought starts to slow down, to quiet down. When the mind becomes quiet, insights emerge. The feeling of an insight (as opposed to worry, anxiety, projection, judgment) is quite distinctive—there is a calm and peace that accompanies an insight. No one is held “to blame,” not even oneself!
It seems to me that since you are the one who is inquiring (and are therefore receptive), becoming quiet, being patient, trusting your inner Wisdom to emerge at the right time is the best “three principles approach” I can recommend. Do you see how I would recommend this to anyone, in any situation?
When thoughts arise (and it seems that there are thoughts of regret about the past for you), can you see them as just thoughts—notice how they are not helpful in this moment, notice how we all punish ourselves through self-blame, although we are all quite human and subject to many flaws? Forgiveness for oneself can ignite forgiveness for others, including (believe it or not) ex-spouses! We have all done the best we can with the thinking we had at our disposal at any given time. We are all just trying to make it through life.
As parents, we are likely to engage in a great deal of worry and anxiety about our children, especially if they have a frightening "diagnoses." Can we see that this worry and anxiety is helping neither them nor ourselves? Can we allow ourselves the space and time—even while our loved one seems to be “suffering”—to calm down and experience our own mental health and peace of mind?
Truly, a parent’s ability to find their own peace of mind is the absolute best parenting “technique” on the planet. If you can discover your own peace of mind, Helen, this peace will spread with ripples throughout the family and this situation. Peace for you brings peace between you and your former husband, brings peace to your daughter. Answers spring from peace, and just as often, "problems" simply dissolve.
So, the answer, as always, lies inside of you.
Can you let go, and trust yourself fully?
Yours Truly,
Ami
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Love!
In mystical and/or spiritual traditions, there is often a distinction between "Universal" or impersonal Love and "human," or personal love. Personal love is sometimes portrayed as a selfish, more narrow form of love, perhaps not love at all!
In truth, all pure feelings of Love are different flavors of the one True Love, the Love that you are made of, and that you always have to give ... When I love my children, my husband, my mothers (I have 2!), without expecting love in return, I am also opening my heart to love for others--for the kids, parents and teachers I work with, for clients, for the Barista who is taking her own sweet time, for my many, "differently opinionated" colleagues, for life and the world itself ...
And how about Yourself, my dear Friend, is there Love there for you, for this incredible energy that you are? Life ... and its unique manifestation as your beautiful eyes, fingers, and toes? Your beautiful Mind and humor? Your many gestures of kindness, accumulated into the thousands by now?
What a privilege to emerge as a part of this Life! Where will the flow of it carry you next? Can you trust the Wisdom of Love? Do you understand that it cannot fail? Do you know that Love whispers to you, from within your heart, every moment of every day, whispering, "Choose Me! Choose Me this time. I know exactly what to do here!"
Perhaps honesty and courage are required as a part of Love. In the end, none of this will hurt.
So, yes to Love! Love, love, love!
It's all good.
In truth, all pure feelings of Love are different flavors of the one True Love, the Love that you are made of, and that you always have to give ... When I love my children, my husband, my mothers (I have 2!), without expecting love in return, I am also opening my heart to love for others--for the kids, parents and teachers I work with, for clients, for the Barista who is taking her own sweet time, for my many, "differently opinionated" colleagues, for life and the world itself ...
And how about Yourself, my dear Friend, is there Love there for you, for this incredible energy that you are? Life ... and its unique manifestation as your beautiful eyes, fingers, and toes? Your beautiful Mind and humor? Your many gestures of kindness, accumulated into the thousands by now?
What a privilege to emerge as a part of this Life! Where will the flow of it carry you next? Can you trust the Wisdom of Love? Do you understand that it cannot fail? Do you know that Love whispers to you, from within your heart, every moment of every day, whispering, "Choose Me! Choose Me this time. I know exactly what to do here!"
Perhaps honesty and courage are required as a part of Love. In the end, none of this will hurt.
So, yes to Love! Love, love, love!
It's all good.
Monday, July 19, 2010
On Mental Health & Healing
Over the last 40 years, some of the most resistance to Mr. Sydney Banks' 3 Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought has come--and most vociferously, at times with hostility--from the mental health community itself.
I have experienced this hostility first-hand as a guest teacher in graduate psychology programs--and my father experienced it throughout his career. It is a wonder to me, because, as I look around, even casually, it seems obvious that the field, as a whole, does not have any kind of handle on mental health. Not even a definition for it!
People seem to suffer from more and more mental ailments, rather. The DSM grows and grows. Here in our well-heeled home base of Palo Alto, even people with tremendous resources and access to mental health services have committed suicide on the train tracks, several over the last year. (One woman jumped from a freeway overpass.) People here live with intense amounts of stress and pressure. Suffering "patients," or consumers, worldwide merely cope with and manage their mental illnesses.
I do not mean to disparage the very well-intentioned and innocent mental health professionals who try their best to help people ... Many of whom do help people through their basic caring and instinctive capacities for healing. It is simply a wonder to me, as I've said, that the mental health field, as a whole, would claim to know much, if anything, about mental health.
Mr. Banks did. A ninth-grade educated welder, his life-changing insight and awakening in the 1970's showed the world that mental health is not complicated. It does not come through "analysis," categorization, or re-living the past. It does not come from attaching more firmly to even positive concepts about who we think we are.
Mental health is simply being present, accessing the divine energy, Love, and creativity that is always with us.
Mr. Banks, of course, is not the only mystic or spiritual author who could define mental health. Yet his selfless dedication for more than four decades to working with those in the field--introducing neutral and universal "Principles" that can be understood in any setting--has led to development of practitioners throughout the United States, and globally, who both define mental health, and help people to find it, within. In my mind, Maslow's plea for a new "psychology of Being" has come to fruition.
"When clarity and purity of thought are present, the answer you seek will present itself, for what you seek is with you and has been with you always." --Sydney Banks, "The Missing Link."
Mental health is a quiet mind. Our birthright. Our access to a great, Divine, endless wellspring of insight, of spiritual knowledge, of connection to Life. It has nothing to do with the workings of our personal thought system. I suffered from depression in my 20's and my later research as an investigative journalist into medications and brain chemistry led me to the firm conviction that we had not found the panacea in Prozac. Indeed, my healing came from my own spiritual insights, insights into the role of Thought and feelings, and, finally, letting go of insecure thinking.
As the world seems to come crashing down around us: murders, wars, child abuse, drug abuse, family violence, perversions, ecological degradation, greed and materialism, and just plain old stress and insecurity--how can we say that we, as the human race, know anything about mental health?
It would be refreshing indeed if professionals in this field would summon the simple humility to say: maybe we don't know.
When we open up to the Unknown, the answers come rushing in. Suddenly, there is room.
Let's remember that once, we were convinced that the world was flat.
This is my deep, deep prayer for the world--that we open up to the Unknown, that true mental health, peace of mind, peace of spirit is unleashed within billions ...
What a wonderful world this would be!
With Love,
Your Mystical Mama
I have experienced this hostility first-hand as a guest teacher in graduate psychology programs--and my father experienced it throughout his career. It is a wonder to me, because, as I look around, even casually, it seems obvious that the field, as a whole, does not have any kind of handle on mental health. Not even a definition for it!
People seem to suffer from more and more mental ailments, rather. The DSM grows and grows. Here in our well-heeled home base of Palo Alto, even people with tremendous resources and access to mental health services have committed suicide on the train tracks, several over the last year. (One woman jumped from a freeway overpass.) People here live with intense amounts of stress and pressure. Suffering "patients," or consumers, worldwide merely cope with and manage their mental illnesses.
I do not mean to disparage the very well-intentioned and innocent mental health professionals who try their best to help people ... Many of whom do help people through their basic caring and instinctive capacities for healing. It is simply a wonder to me, as I've said, that the mental health field, as a whole, would claim to know much, if anything, about mental health.
Mr. Banks did. A ninth-grade educated welder, his life-changing insight and awakening in the 1970's showed the world that mental health is not complicated. It does not come through "analysis," categorization, or re-living the past. It does not come from attaching more firmly to even positive concepts about who we think we are.
Mental health is simply being present, accessing the divine energy, Love, and creativity that is always with us.
Mr. Banks, of course, is not the only mystic or spiritual author who could define mental health. Yet his selfless dedication for more than four decades to working with those in the field--introducing neutral and universal "Principles" that can be understood in any setting--has led to development of practitioners throughout the United States, and globally, who both define mental health, and help people to find it, within. In my mind, Maslow's plea for a new "psychology of Being" has come to fruition.
"When clarity and purity of thought are present, the answer you seek will present itself, for what you seek is with you and has been with you always." --Sydney Banks, "The Missing Link."
Mental health is a quiet mind. Our birthright. Our access to a great, Divine, endless wellspring of insight, of spiritual knowledge, of connection to Life. It has nothing to do with the workings of our personal thought system. I suffered from depression in my 20's and my later research as an investigative journalist into medications and brain chemistry led me to the firm conviction that we had not found the panacea in Prozac. Indeed, my healing came from my own spiritual insights, insights into the role of Thought and feelings, and, finally, letting go of insecure thinking.
As the world seems to come crashing down around us: murders, wars, child abuse, drug abuse, family violence, perversions, ecological degradation, greed and materialism, and just plain old stress and insecurity--how can we say that we, as the human race, know anything about mental health?
It would be refreshing indeed if professionals in this field would summon the simple humility to say: maybe we don't know.
When we open up to the Unknown, the answers come rushing in. Suddenly, there is room.
Let's remember that once, we were convinced that the world was flat.
This is my deep, deep prayer for the world--that we open up to the Unknown, that true mental health, peace of mind, peace of spirit is unleashed within billions ...
What a wonderful world this would be!
With Love,
Your Mystical Mama
Friday, February 26, 2010
Mouths of Babes, Part II
"Let's sit down and have a talk."
--3 & 1/2 year old Tori to sister Alia, 6
(after being told they must resolve their own dispute)
--3 & 1/2 year old Tori to sister Alia, 6
(after being told they must resolve their own dispute)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
My Work is Done?
The Parent's Tao Te Ching
Interpretation by William Martin ...
"Life can seem mundane
but it is not.
Children can seem ordinary,
and troublesome
and fragile
but they are not.
You may feel alone
and powerless
and separated
But you are not."
I rest my case.
Interpretation by William Martin ...
"Life can seem mundane
but it is not.
Children can seem ordinary,
and troublesome
and fragile
but they are not.
You may feel alone
and powerless
and separated
But you are not."
I rest my case.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sydney Banks
Mr. Sydney Banks, author, philosopher, lecturer, father, husband, mystic, passed away in the morning, Memorial Day, May 25.
Mr. Banks' life and work demonstrated that an ordinary, uneducated person has access to unlimited reservoirs of Love and Intelligence.
In my own life, he showed me that what I thought was real, was not. And that this "boring old world" was full of mystery and miracle. What personal contact I had with him always brought great leaps of understanding and opened new realms for me of feeling and gratitude. Sometimes, in his presence, the world would tremble and wobble in my peripheral vision, & a great openness would happen within, a Spirit, a feeling, boundless in its magnitude--almost frightening--would descend. Then, it would be gone as quickly as it had come. Leaving a sense of promise of more to come ...
Mr. Banks was inordinately generous with his knowledge when he felt that someone sincerely wanted to learn. And his simple, workaday approach to mystical knowledge, his emphasis on "plain" positivity, hope and human kindness made an end to suffering possible for so many thousands of people--from professionals to inmates to young children.
It was always Mr. Banks' hope that the great helping fields of psychology and psychiatry--which nobly work to alleviate the world's suffering--would finally come to see the logic of his Divine principles: Mind, Consciousness and Thought. We experience what we think. And there is so much more in us than we know.
For more information, please see Mr. Banks' website at sydneybanks.org, or see any of his many books, including: The Missing Link: Reflections on Philosophy & Spirit, The Enlightened Gardener, The Enlightened Gardener Revisited, Dear Liza, and etc. Audiovisuals (DVD's, etc.) are at www.lonepinepublishing.com ... (Click on Self-Help or Psychology.)
Goodbye, Syd!
And Thank You.
I wish I'd had more time with you ...
Mr. Banks' life and work demonstrated that an ordinary, uneducated person has access to unlimited reservoirs of Love and Intelligence.
In my own life, he showed me that what I thought was real, was not. And that this "boring old world" was full of mystery and miracle. What personal contact I had with him always brought great leaps of understanding and opened new realms for me of feeling and gratitude. Sometimes, in his presence, the world would tremble and wobble in my peripheral vision, & a great openness would happen within, a Spirit, a feeling, boundless in its magnitude--almost frightening--would descend. Then, it would be gone as quickly as it had come. Leaving a sense of promise of more to come ...
Mr. Banks was inordinately generous with his knowledge when he felt that someone sincerely wanted to learn. And his simple, workaday approach to mystical knowledge, his emphasis on "plain" positivity, hope and human kindness made an end to suffering possible for so many thousands of people--from professionals to inmates to young children.
It was always Mr. Banks' hope that the great helping fields of psychology and psychiatry--which nobly work to alleviate the world's suffering--would finally come to see the logic of his Divine principles: Mind, Consciousness and Thought. We experience what we think. And there is so much more in us than we know.
For more information, please see Mr. Banks' website at sydneybanks.org, or see any of his many books, including: The Missing Link: Reflections on Philosophy & Spirit, The Enlightened Gardener, The Enlightened Gardener Revisited, Dear Liza, and etc. Audiovisuals (DVD's, etc.) are at www.lonepinepublishing.com ... (Click on Self-Help or Psychology.)
Goodbye, Syd!
And Thank You.
I wish I'd had more time with you ...
Monday, October 13, 2008
Black Snake Moan
Black Snake Moan
Has anyone else seen this movie? Traveling on business, I wound up watching Showtime late at night in a Portland, Ore. hotel room and came across this film starring Christina Ricci and Samuel S. Jackson. The beginning had me wondering if I ought to just turn it off—it’s the tale of a sexually abused “pretty young thang” in the deep South whose boyfriend leaves for the army. She has been dependent on him for her sexual release (she is a fierce sex addict who breaks into hives if she doesn’t “get it”). When he leaves, she also loses his love and stability, and she goes on a hard to watch drinking-“getting it”-getting raped-(well, it would be rape if she were to object at all)-and-finally-beat-up binge. I winced the whole way through these opening scenes.
A local farmer and black man played by Sammy Jackson finds her at the edge of his driveway, after she’s been left half naked and for dead on his back road in the boonies. Jackson’s got his own demons he’s dealing with: mostly a wife who has left him after many years for his spiffed up younger brother. He has shunned help from local church members and friends after nearly killing his brother in a barroom brawl. And then he finds … this girl.
I don’t want to give too much of the plot away, but what follows is a series of strange events that have you wondering if Jackson has found God or done gone batty. Suffice it to say, the story winds up as a tale of redemption for both characters. What I loved most about it was the way sexuality was put front and center with an initially muddy, but then sensible and loving demarcation between what healthy sexuality and unhealthy sexuality look like, what moral and immoral look like and, most importantly, feel like.
In the most unusual scene along these lines, Jackson’s character, Lazarus, takes Ricci’s character to a local blues bar where he leads a jam session on guitar. The mostly black crowd accepts this overly thin, beat up looking white girl into their midst, and proceed to “dirty dance” with her: men and women, women and women, all kinds of combinations (not quite going out on a limb with men and men, though). This is a very sexy scene in which, actually, no one has sex or even seems interested in actually having sex when all is said and done.
There were other things I loved. The way Christianity is in this film without adherence to the rigid constructions of religion, but as a faith which—when practiced gently—is essentially a faith of forgiveness and non-judgment. The way Jackson’s character boldly steps out into town after a while with his young charge ... and the way things actually turn out good, in the end, and not bad. I mean, in a film with blacks and whites and rape and sexuality, you keep expecting somebody to get killed, or at least wind up in a whole heap of trouble. And I, for one—while I appreciate some cinematic tension—really just want to see a happy ending. I have had my fill, at 40, of gratuitous fear and violence in movies. And I think happy endings are realistic, and happen quite a lot in real life.
This movie reminded me of the 1991 film starring Laura Dern and her mother, Diane Ladd, called "Rambling Rose." Rambling Rose was also set in the South, where a grounded kind of spirituality (Dern’s adopted family) meets young, out-of-control sexuality with some turbulence, but in the end, with Love, common sense, healing and salvation. I picked up the term "Creative Energy of the Universe," denoting God, from this film (adapted from the book by Calder Willingham).
The media around Black Snake Moan reminds me of the out-of-context way people responded to “Boxing Helena” (1993, directed by Jennifer Lynch) without grokking the deeper meaning of the film. The move poster for Black Snake Moan was completely at odds with the movie’s actual meaning and point, as were criticisms from feminist camps about its depiction of violence and sexuality. There are some films, like Boxing Helena, and many of Oliver Stone’s films that show violence or even exaggerated violence or fantasy, in order to illustrate a larger social comment about these issues. The content gets skewered (just because it's there) and the comment gets lost (because no one is listening).
Finally, it is also a treat to hear Samuel Jackson play the blues, which he does often in this film (and learned to do so for this film), although I’m not sure “Black Snake Moan” is my favorite song of all time, and certainly not my favorite song--or movie--title.
So, Your Mystical Mama says: Thumbs up for Black Snake Moan … Parental Cautions: Lot of sexuality, and disturbing sexuality, at the beginning of this film and some violence. No one actually dies, as far as I can now recall—and many are healed.
Friday, January 18, 2008
A Real Question for James Lipton
If I were James Lipton at the Actor’s Studio, I would ask my celebrities this question:
“If the whole world were like a high school, then celebrities would be the athletes and cheerleaders of the world, the uber-popular kids …
"What has the experience of celebrity done for your personhood? Have you used celebrity to your advantage in less than savoury ways? Has celebrity used you to its advantage in less than savoury ways?
"Have you discovered a way—within celebrity—to be grounded and kind? Have you discovered valueless-ness in what, before, seemed valuable to you?
"… Have you found a new value—a silence, a richness, a wonder within?—that goes beyond fame, adventure, wealth and power? … Or have you become lost in the roiling waves of the world’s fantastical projections?
… or maybe you are somewhere in between?
Enlighten us!”
(and, of course, enquiring minds want to know ... )
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Chrysalis
Your anger is a veil
Like Spiderman shoots a web at the world,
So you spit and seethe your Fury
But this web keeps you from seeing, changing, moving, growing
It binds you tight.
Who knows if your victim has been damaged, or hurt
Or made stronger?
Have you evoked fear
Or Love?
Only one thing is certain.
Like a cocoon wound too tightly,
Or the spider's sticky shroud
Anger will kill you, first.
Unless ...
Unless you emerge from your chrysalis
Free!
and beat your sudden wings
damp with your second--& most significant--birth
into Newness, the vast & tremulous Unknown
Now ...
you are
full of tenderness,
full of rhythm
In ecstatic flight
through the Infinite night.
Welcome!
Like Spiderman shoots a web at the world,
So you spit and seethe your Fury
But this web keeps you from seeing, changing, moving, growing
It binds you tight.
Who knows if your victim has been damaged, or hurt
Or made stronger?
Have you evoked fear
Or Love?
Only one thing is certain.
Like a cocoon wound too tightly,
Or the spider's sticky shroud
Anger will kill you, first.
Unless ...
Unless you emerge from your chrysalis
Free!
and beat your sudden wings
damp with your second--& most significant--birth
into Newness, the vast & tremulous Unknown
Now ...
you are
full of tenderness,
full of rhythm
In ecstatic flight
through the Infinite night.
Welcome!
Friday, October 5, 2007
A Timely Invitation
This blog is not meant to promote, particularly, any one person or philosophy (except myself, of course!)
However, due to a very special event, approaching rapidly (see below), I dedicate this blog to the work of Mr. Sydney Banks (see also www.sydneybanks.org).
Here are excerpts from his books and lectures:
It is impossible to lose the ego ... "You can only find out what the ego is so that it will have less control over you. Then you will stop having to prove yourself to the world ... and the feeling of contentment and self-esteem will be yours."
--Sydney Banks, "Second Chance"
"There is no fixed way to get oneself into a state of meditation. The state of meditation comes when the ego is put to sleep via silence."
--Sydney Banks, "Second Chance"
"Once the mind is elevated, it will never return permanently to its former state."
--S. Banks, "The Enlightened Gardener"
"The vastness of this physical earth and sky, with all its solar systems, is miniscule compared to what lies within every living soul on the face of this earth."
--"The Enlightened Gardener Revisited"
"In the illusory world of thought, many believe the inner self is God and the outer self is the body. But I can assure you, the inner self and the outer self are the same thing.
Your eyes must see in the singular if you want to find the truth.
When you understand this, you will see through the illusionary duality of life."
--S. Banks, "The Missing Link"
The discoveries and nearly lifelong work of Mr. Sydney Banks, Canadian author and theosopher, have produced a now widely practiced psychology based on three psycho-spiritual, or formless, principles. These principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought condense the mysteries and wisdom of the ages into simple truths, easily shared, that awaken the mental health and well-being in even severely distressed individuals.
I have been a student and teacher of these principles in various settings for more than a decade--and have witnessed remarkable and very swift outcomes in my own clients and students. In the county in which I work, Principles-based psychology has expanded rapidly throughout mental health and social services, including juvenile justice, due to client outcomes and client demand.
At this time, Principles-based psychology is taught and practiced in academic settings, hospital systems, city and county government, school districts, correctional institutions and sober living and recovery institutions--as well as in the corporate world.
Mr. Banks will be holding perhaps his last public lecture in the U.S. in San Jose, California on October 20 & 21, 2007 at the bucolic Dolce Hayes Mansion. Therapists, counselors, psychiatrists and psychologists who practice a Principles-based psychology, nationally and internationally, will be in attendance. Registration is through Pransky and Associates at 360-466-5200. Registration forms can be found at my own organization's website at www.centerforsustainablechange.org ...
Because mental health and inner well-being is the basis for positive, loving, and respectful human relations, I strongly encourage all those who seek to help the world end suffering and find peace in the fastest possible manner to attend this seminar.
Mr. Banks teaches a truly simplified truth with vast implications for the mental health field, community renewal, parents, teachers, children and youth.
With Love and Great Regard,
Ami
However, due to a very special event, approaching rapidly (see below), I dedicate this blog to the work of Mr. Sydney Banks (see also www.sydneybanks.org).
Here are excerpts from his books and lectures:
It is impossible to lose the ego ... "You can only find out what the ego is so that it will have less control over you. Then you will stop having to prove yourself to the world ... and the feeling of contentment and self-esteem will be yours."
--Sydney Banks, "Second Chance"
"There is no fixed way to get oneself into a state of meditation. The state of meditation comes when the ego is put to sleep via silence."
--Sydney Banks, "Second Chance"
"Once the mind is elevated, it will never return permanently to its former state."
--S. Banks, "The Enlightened Gardener"
"The vastness of this physical earth and sky, with all its solar systems, is miniscule compared to what lies within every living soul on the face of this earth."
--"The Enlightened Gardener Revisited"
"In the illusory world of thought, many believe the inner self is God and the outer self is the body. But I can assure you, the inner self and the outer self are the same thing.
Your eyes must see in the singular if you want to find the truth.
When you understand this, you will see through the illusionary duality of life."
--S. Banks, "The Missing Link"
"Heaven is not a place, it is a conscious state."
--S. Banks, lecture
--S. Banks, lecture
The discoveries and nearly lifelong work of Mr. Sydney Banks, Canadian author and theosopher, have produced a now widely practiced psychology based on three psycho-spiritual, or formless, principles. These principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought condense the mysteries and wisdom of the ages into simple truths, easily shared, that awaken the mental health and well-being in even severely distressed individuals.
I have been a student and teacher of these principles in various settings for more than a decade--and have witnessed remarkable and very swift outcomes in my own clients and students. In the county in which I work, Principles-based psychology has expanded rapidly throughout mental health and social services, including juvenile justice, due to client outcomes and client demand.
At this time, Principles-based psychology is taught and practiced in academic settings, hospital systems, city and county government, school districts, correctional institutions and sober living and recovery institutions--as well as in the corporate world.
Mr. Banks will be holding perhaps his last public lecture in the U.S. in San Jose, California on October 20 & 21, 2007 at the bucolic Dolce Hayes Mansion. Therapists, counselors, psychiatrists and psychologists who practice a Principles-based psychology, nationally and internationally, will be in attendance. Registration is through Pransky and Associates at 360-466-5200. Registration forms can be found at my own organization's website at www.centerforsustainablechange.org ...
Because mental health and inner well-being is the basis for positive, loving, and respectful human relations, I strongly encourage all those who seek to help the world end suffering and find peace in the fastest possible manner to attend this seminar.
Mr. Banks teaches a truly simplified truth with vast implications for the mental health field, community renewal, parents, teachers, children and youth.
With Love and Great Regard,
Ami
Monday, July 9, 2007
Mystical Mamas
As a first-time pregnant gal, I started in with all the requisite books, i.e. "What to Expect ... " (Hah!), "The Baby Whisperer," and many other books about other people's "good ideas" about parenting. I got so confused, I finally just gave up and decided to maybe try my own instincts. Books and products about babies and birth (natural and otherwise) and child rearing seem to have become a boom industry along the lines of weddings and food shows.
There is a lot of thinking out there about how to be as a mom--or dad, I suppose. I think it's mostly moms who read all these books though. New moms are a vulnerable lot: we certainly do feel that we've entered uncharted territory--maps and guides appear useful. More maps! More guides!
But it is my general belief that as a culture, we've "made too much" of everything. Did anyone hear the news that parents actually spend more time with their kids now than ever before? (I'd love to get the source on this.) And we thought we were neglecting our children! It's time to stop taking everyone else's advice and begin to follow our own. Is parenting really such a big deal?
Here in our humble family, my husband now takes care of the kids. Our income, of course is lower than average for educated Bay Area types (I guess). Both my husband and I have chosen to pursue meaningful, self-directed work over high incomes (a possible mistake?), but we live our lives in our own unique fashion, and we hope others are doing the same.
My fear, however, is that they are not. There is so very much discussion about everything--as if our choices at every turn were life and death. Do your children sleep in bed with you? Yes? Fantastic! Do you tuck them in and close the door to their own private rooms? Great! Did you breast feed? Fabulous! Did you choose formula instead? Good for you!
I am pretty sure now that it is not so much what you do with your children that matters as much as the feeling state you do it in. And part of maintaining a positive feeling state in the home is about not worrying.
For example: not worrying about how you are putting your children to bed, not worrying about whether they ate too much candy this afternoon, not worrying about how clean the house is, how much TV is being watched, is the pre-school providing enough pre-academic instruction? and so forth ... A worried parent is a distracted, unhappy parent. A worried parent is not "present." And I am not speaking of neglect (which is often the result of too much worrying about other things: the self, life, for example).
There was this wonderful post-humous quote on (of all things) "Extreme Home Makeover" last night. The father of the new-home-needing family used to say this one thing before he passed away, and it got inscribed on a stone bench in the backyard of the new and fabulous house.
"There is plenty to think about, but nothing to worry about."
This from a man diagnosed with cancer.
Worry is the great cancer of parenthood. Better replaced with "reflection."
There is a wisdom in you and in me, and in our children and partners that emerges when we actually stop worrying and start reflecting. We know what to do--with our children, our work, our homes. We know what "feels right" for us. Wherever we are and in whatever condition. As one of my teachers, Sydney Banks, has said: "no matter what situation you are in, no matter how deplorable, Truth will take you out of it."
A mystical mama worries (of course, she is a human being, too) ... and then she drops her worrying and gets quiet.
And then the answer comes. Maybe not even from her. Maybe from the child. Maybe from the Dad.
The best parenting for our families comes from us and from within our families. Good ideas are good ideas and often useful. Wisdom is always right on target.
What do other people think? The experts? The neighbors? The professionals? The media?
Who cares?!
Please, do share your thoughts if they are authentic ...
There is a lot of thinking out there about how to be as a mom--or dad, I suppose. I think it's mostly moms who read all these books though. New moms are a vulnerable lot: we certainly do feel that we've entered uncharted territory--maps and guides appear useful. More maps! More guides!
But it is my general belief that as a culture, we've "made too much" of everything. Did anyone hear the news that parents actually spend more time with their kids now than ever before? (I'd love to get the source on this.) And we thought we were neglecting our children! It's time to stop taking everyone else's advice and begin to follow our own. Is parenting really such a big deal?
Here in our humble family, my husband now takes care of the kids. Our income, of course is lower than average for educated Bay Area types (I guess). Both my husband and I have chosen to pursue meaningful, self-directed work over high incomes (a possible mistake?), but we live our lives in our own unique fashion, and we hope others are doing the same.
My fear, however, is that they are not. There is so very much discussion about everything--as if our choices at every turn were life and death. Do your children sleep in bed with you? Yes? Fantastic! Do you tuck them in and close the door to their own private rooms? Great! Did you breast feed? Fabulous! Did you choose formula instead? Good for you!
I am pretty sure now that it is not so much what you do with your children that matters as much as the feeling state you do it in. And part of maintaining a positive feeling state in the home is about not worrying.
For example: not worrying about how you are putting your children to bed, not worrying about whether they ate too much candy this afternoon, not worrying about how clean the house is, how much TV is being watched, is the pre-school providing enough pre-academic instruction? and so forth ... A worried parent is a distracted, unhappy parent. A worried parent is not "present." And I am not speaking of neglect (which is often the result of too much worrying about other things: the self, life, for example).
There was this wonderful post-humous quote on (of all things) "Extreme Home Makeover" last night. The father of the new-home-needing family used to say this one thing before he passed away, and it got inscribed on a stone bench in the backyard of the new and fabulous house.
"There is plenty to think about, but nothing to worry about."
This from a man diagnosed with cancer.
Worry is the great cancer of parenthood. Better replaced with "reflection."
There is a wisdom in you and in me, and in our children and partners that emerges when we actually stop worrying and start reflecting. We know what to do--with our children, our work, our homes. We know what "feels right" for us. Wherever we are and in whatever condition. As one of my teachers, Sydney Banks, has said: "no matter what situation you are in, no matter how deplorable, Truth will take you out of it."
A mystical mama worries (of course, she is a human being, too) ... and then she drops her worrying and gets quiet.
And then the answer comes. Maybe not even from her. Maybe from the child. Maybe from the Dad.
The best parenting for our families comes from us and from within our families. Good ideas are good ideas and often useful. Wisdom is always right on target.
What do other people think? The experts? The neighbors? The professionals? The media?
Who cares?!
Please, do share your thoughts if they are authentic ...
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